5 times I Learned not to be a Victim Part 1
by The Devils Queen
Summary: After testifying in the trial against the man who shot her, Alex Cabot goes back into witness protection and is moved to Seattle. She finds herself in Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital after her abusive boyfriend nearly kills her. While in the hospital she learns that her 'death' destroyed her best friend and lover, Addison's, marriage. Brief mentions of PP. Warning: Femeslash
1. Prologue

**A/N:** Mostly sort of Canon but the timelines may be off, this is 1/5th of my NaNoWriMo story so i take all responsibility for errors.

Prologue:

I lay in the hospital bed, I knew medically I should be wanting to relax, but I didn't I knew that witsec would come for me. I also knew there was no other option. All that said, there were two things I needed before they came and wisked me away to a new life; first I needed to say goodbye to Addison Shepard, the doctor that had signed my death certificate, second I couldn't let Olivia think I had died on her watch so I needed to see her. I wasn't just saying goodbye to my doctor though she was the closest thing I had to real family, she was also my lover. Her husband knew about me and I was the one exception to monogamy for him just as long as he knew. The first time I'd fucked Addison we'd been kidds she had been 17 I had been 15. We'd never actually dated but we'd fucked ever since.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Addison asked from the doorway.

"Better, they said I can give you a proper goodbye, so take me home," I said sitting up.

"Al, your hurt, you should rest not say goodbye to me," she whispered tears in her eyes. As she walked in.

"Addie please I can't do this without a goodbye, Addie, I'm ok all I need is a proper goodbye," I sat up on the bed and reached out to her. She came and hugged me, just having her hold me made everthing ok. The fact that I was 'dead', I'd never see my family again, it was all ok.

"Al, it's going to be ok, I promise, I'll take you home and we can say goodbye, just like when I went to collage only this time it's you going away for a little bit instead of me," she was comforting me. I stood beside her letting her hold me.

"So lets go, time for you to take me home and give me a proper goodbye," I started walking toward the door.

"Alexandra you hurt you shouldn't be walking around let alone..." Her voice trailed off.

"Addison just take me home?" I said.

"Alright alright," she said and we slipped out of the hospital, dialing her husbands pager.

It was the gentlest sex we ever had, I could tell tell by how she treated me she was being careful. Careful of the shoulder that only last night had nearly ment my death. I remembered the pain of being shot and wounded how the people I knew could put themselves in places where they risked that kind if pain. How Olivia and Elliot could look down a gun that was pointed at them and be calm.

I was brought back to the here and now when Addison bit my neck. It was gentle just enough to remind me where I was. Addison had always been good in bed, amazing but normally it was rough, hard, bordering violent. Tonight she treated me like a china doll. Most of her kisses held no hint of teeth, she didn't use her nails. She was just gentle and as much as it fixed me, made me ok with what was happening, seved as a goodbye, it also broke my heart because I knew she was holding back. She didn't fuck me, she brought me yes but it was both more and less than fucking. I held her for a long moment before getting going to get up.

"Alex... Please don't leave me," Addison was clinging to me, crying for me not to go. Derek still hasn't answered her calls so there was no one here to comfort her when I left. I wasn't angry with her for being sad but I was furious with Derek. She'd called thirty seven times and paged him 911 at least six.

"Addison I have to, if I stay here I'll be putting you at risk and ill probably get killed, but i'll come back, I don't know when but I promise you I'll come back," I told her gently trying to extract myself from her but I couldn't.

"Please just stay a little while longer, till Derek comes home? I don't want to be alone," she asked.

"Can you call someone else to stay with you, someone who will pick up the phone, then ill wait till they get here but I'm not waiting for Derek," I said. She did as I asked calling untill someone answered and was willing to come and stay with her.

When Mark showed up I left Addison still naked in bed I got in the black sedan that was outside. We drove and they stopped and let me tell Liv I was alive and then it was off to a new life, new name, new job, new town. Alexandra Renee Cabot was dead.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: **_I will update this once a day mon-fri till it is complete (probably 7-10 chapter) also i apologize for any timeline error also sorry for the short chapter today._

How the great have fallen, eight years ago I wouldn't have so much as let a man kiss me. But Alexandra Renee Cabot died on the , I hoped for a kiss because if it wasn't a kiss it was pain. If he didn't want to rape me, and that's what I call it because it hurts there's no pleasure in it I let him have my way with me so he won't hit me, so he wont slam my head thew the wall that's it. Tonight I knew as soon as he walked in it wouldn't be sex he would take.

"Damn it, Julie, I told you to make me diner," James bellowed lunging at me. I didn't bother to say that diner was done, because he'd just find some other reason to be mad at me. He charged forward till he could grab my arm. He jerked me across his body, throwing me to the ground. As I fell his boot made contact with my ribs, I felt something break. I cried out curling in on myself. He grabbed my hair dragging me down the hall and into the living room, I tried to crawl but he was moving too fast. As we were moving he stepped on my hand I felt my shoulder rip from its socket. I tried to pull it to me and felt bones break. The arm rolled in the skin, and I almost threw up. My head clipped the coffee table, and blood flowed into my eyes. I gave up and let James drag me across the floor. I knew I was in shock, my arm flopped as he dragged me. But I just surrendered, my vision blurred as he thew me across the room into the wall. I saw the inside of the wall as I did so many time in these last few years.

They say abuse starts gradually, but in my case it hadn't. I'd already been isolated when he found me, I'd had no friends, been new in town. I was in witness protection I had no one in Seattle so I'd been an easy mark for him. And now it was five years later and I had no way out of this life.

"Bitch, when I tell you to do something you do it, how many times do I have to teach you that one god damn lesson... Huh? Answer me!" He kicked me again, and I whimpered. He dragged me from the wall throwing me across the room. My head hit the end table beside the couch. The next thing I knew he was on top of me hands around my throat.

I forced myself to go away inside, I shut down detaching myself from my body. I went to the only place in my head that still belonged to Alexandra, the part that wasn't Julie or Emily. I went to the place where it wasn't James choking me, where I wasn't in pain. I went to the place where it was Addison choking me, where she was careful where it wouldn't even leave a mark, where it was just a touch of forplay. Alexandra loved to be choked, but Julie was scared she would die. Julie was scared James would kill her, so I let my mind become Alex I let myself enjoy bring choked, I was Alex until I blacked out.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: **_this story is done now all that is left it the editing._

**Disclaimer:** _I forgot this earlier, oops, I own nothing._

I was scrubbing out of my last surgery of the day, all I wanted was to go home put the kids to bed and get some sleep. My pager beeped on the counter beside me. I looked at it, 911 to the pit. I dried my hands and begun to run down the hallway toward the pit. I was exhausted but, someone needed my help.

I didn't remember making it to the ER doors. Bailey was yelling at a man but, I ignored her and went to the trauma room they had paged me to. I opened the door Callie, Christina and Owen were all standing around the gurney. White blonde hair was covered in blood lay across the pillow. I saw her face as the door closed and froze. Alex, or as I had once bitterly called her Satan's little whore, lay on the gurney. I ran to the side of the bed looking down at her. I hadn't hated her, not until Addison slept with Mark, after that I'd wondered if it hadn't just been Alex. Addison had slept with her all threw our marriage but I'd know, Alexandra was part of the package of having Addison. Truly I'd actually really liked Alex, almost loved her.

"Al..." I begun. But she bolted up, a piece of bone broke the skin over her collar bone.

"Don't, don't say that name, please Derek don't say my name," she said grabbing my arm. Callie and Owen were yelling but I blocked them out focusing only on Alex.

"Lay back down, come on, it's ok I know you probably hate me but right now trust me the doctors here are good," I said softly. I wondered why I couldn't say her name but I also knew Addison would kill me if her dear Alex died in my hospital.

"Why would I hate you, Derek I know you didn't come to my funeral but I don't hold that against you. You helped keep Addison stay sain when I died," I didn't know what she was talking about. I thought back to New York when I'd left Addison I'd expected her to go back to dating Alex. My face must have given away my confusion because she added, "Derek? Why do you look so lost?"

"Well honestly I expected you to hate me for leaving her that's the last I heard of you was when I left her," I said thinking back to the night I'd found her with Mark, I'd seen red with anger. Addison had been crying, Mark had left, she'd cried, begged me not to throw her out. She'd said something about a death certificate, but I hadn't listened to her. I'd been angry so angry.

"Please Derek don't go, hear me out Derek I didn't do Mark, I did Alex I called you so many times!" She cried at me.

"I don't want to hear about your slut, your a fucking whore and so is she!" I yelled at her.

"Derek I signed her death certificate! Derek I needed comfort! I called you so many times! I tried to tell you Derek please! We're Addison and Derek! Listen to me! Please!" She tried to cling to me, but I just stormed out. I'd stormed out and never come back.

I looked back a Alex for the first time realizing that the words Addison had said may have not just been excuses.

"You left her!" Alex yelled at me.

"Alex, you must have spoken to her after I did I left her when I found her in bed with Mark" I begun. A look passed across her face a look of deep thought.

"When Derek? What day?" She asked. A look of horror passing across her face.

"July 17th 2005 I answered not knowing why she cared so much," I said, she gasped.

"My god, I destroyed her life I destroyed my Addison," she looked horror struck. Callie froze glancing then between Alex and me, only then did she seem to understand how we had known each other.

"Alex you didn't destroy her she slept with Mark that was her decision, I could forgive her for you, hell I actually like seeing you two together but Mark I couldn't forgive that," I told her.

"My god Derek did you never ask her? Did it ever occur to you that she loved you more than almost anything, Derek even after she signed my death certificate she still called you, called you so many times before she gave me her final goodbye. She wanted your permission even when it was going to be our goodbye," she said, "Derek she didn't have sex with anyone but me, she gave me my goodbye, but she didn't want to let me go. Derek you wouldn't answer her I had to go, and you weren't there. I had her call Mark because she couldn't be alone, she wouldn't let me go. She called Mark to hold her while I left, left to become Emily, now Julie."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, Alex was beginning to confuse me. I remembered all the missed calls, all the missed pages. I'd run home afraid of what I'd find afraid because I knew how many times she'd called. Then I remembered deleting all her messages after I'd left her, even the ones from that day, before I'd found her.

"Derek did you not even look at the New York papers? Derek I was shot, I died for the love of god look it up," she was back to being herself, she could out talk me any day.

"I don't mean to interrupt but Derek she needs to go into surgery now, can your catch up wait till later," it was Owen who interrupted me.

"Yeah," I replied, "what did you need me for,"

"We need you in the OR she's fine and talking now but she's got a concussion at best, cracked skull at worst. She came in unconscious we thought it was worse," he said.

"Derek please call her before I go into surgery," Alex whispered.

"Alright now lets get you fixed up," I told her, stepping back from the gurney so Callie and Owen could do their jobs. I pulled out my phone as I left the trauma room, googling the name I wasn't allowed to speak.

New York Times July 17 2005

Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot was shot late last night and died on the table early this morning from her injuries.

I closed out of the article I couldn't read anymore, I'd left Addison because of an affair she hadn't actually had I'd left her because her best friend had died. Wait died, she wasn't dead he was right here in Seattle alive. The article gave me more questions but she needed to be put back together before I was going to get answers. Baily was still yelling at the man.

"She's my wife! Let me see her! Now!" He yelled.

"Sir I can't let you see her the trauma rooms are a sterile place you can't go in there," Baily yelled back.

"Get the fuck out of my way!" He yelled. I moved to her side.

"Sir if you keep yelling at doctor Bailey I'm going to have security called, you can either sit down and wait for news on your wife or you will be removed from the premise and you won't get the news you're waiting for," I said.

"Fine" he yelled before sitting down and glaring at us both.

"Thanks," Bailey said. And then I was off down to the OR floor, I was surprised to see that they already had an OR booked, but the board said Jane Dow. I called Addison from the scrub room, it was the most privacy I was going to get.

"Montgomery," she answered.

"Addison," I said, I didn't know what to say, I'd been in the wrong. If hurt her because I hadn't listened to her, "I'm sorry," was all I could think to say.

"Derek why did you call, it's not like you to admit your wrong and right now I don't even know why you're apologizing," she said.

"Because I screwed up, I didn't listen to you when it most counted. And then when you came after me I didn't give you a chance to explain I just assumed, god Addie I'm sorry," I said.

"Derek what are you talking about," she asked. I paused knowing I couldn't use her name she'd broke her collarbone threw her skin to stop me.

"I know..." I begun then paused trying to think of how to say it, "she's here in my hospital, your girl, god Addie why didn't you tell me what had really happened that night," I asked.

"You mean the woman you called my little slut?" She asked cautiously.

"Yes I'm sorry about that, Addie I didn't know, god I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but please come take care of her, she won't let me say her name but you know just as much as I do who we're talking about, the one who 'died'" I made it sarcastic, "Addie she told me you didn't sleep with him, she told me. And now she needs you so come back to Seattle and take care of her. Addie she's beat to hell she's going into surgery," I said.

"I'll be there by the time she gets out," she said then the line went dead.

The door the scrub room opened, Arizona stood in the doorway.

"Derek, I need to ask you something," she said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Was leaving Addison the right choice? Do you regret it?" She asked.

"Look Arizona, normally I wouldn't mind but not today, Arizona not today," I said. She looked so hurt I could see tears in her eyes.

"I get it she's living with you..." She started then turned to leave.

"Arizona wait," she turned, "it's not that it's just, until today I didn't regret it, but I learned things today. Things that I can't think about because maybe I was the villan not the victim, maybe I was in the wrong," I said turning to the sink.

"Derek I'm sorry I asked, I'm sorry I pushed. I didn't know that something had changed, I thought you and Meredith had finally picked a side," she said.

"It's ok, I just learned things today's things that change how u feel about her, things i didn't know," I said.

"Derek do you want to talk?" She asked.

"Yes, but you have to make me a promise you tell no one, well Callie you can tell her, but no one else," I said.

"Alright," she said.

"While we were married Addison she had one other lover, one that I knew about. I was ok with it, she was a special woman, they weren't really in a relationship but what they were they would always be, when I took her as my wife I knew, the night I found her with Mark. Well apparently there are things I didn't know," I said.

"Ok," she said.

"She died that morning Alex died that morning, Addie spent all day trying to get ahold of me, she was terrified, and alone also apparently she didn't sleep with Mark just cried naked in his arms," I said voice laced with regret.

"Oh... god Derek I'm sorry," she said, then the door was open again, Owen and Callie were walking in.

"Hey if can you fill out the parts of the chart you know, i think her husbands an abusive bastard that would lie about her history," Callie said glaring at Arizona.

"Sure," I said reaching for the iPad. I paused then, I didn't know what to put, did I put Alexandra on her chart? Sensing the tension level I added, "Arizona will you come with me, I want to ask the husband for his version, then I'll editor the parts I know,"

"Ok," she said and we left the scrub room, "thanks for that,"

"It's nothing, look I don't actually want to talk to the husband, I just can't watch her look at you like that not today, not when I know that that's how I used to look at Addison when I didn't know anything. I was so wrong," I said slipping into a supply closet.

Name:

Shit,I didn't even know what name to put, I knew her name but, she begged me not to say her name so could I really type it. The answer was no, not until I knew why she was hiding her identity. I turned abruptly Arizona still in the doorway.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"To the OR where I should be, I can't fill this out, not until I know what to put," I said walking back toward the OR. Arizona left before I walked back into the scrub room.

"I can't fill this out Owen not until Addie gets here," I said beginning to scrub in.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because I don't know what I can say, I don't know what happened that day in New York, I can't list her name, because she just put part of her skeleton threw her skin to stop me from saying her name. Owen I can't break that confidence till I know why. I looked her up, New York Times reports she died Owen, she was an ADA for a sex crimes unit, what if she's in witness protection? Owen I don't know what me telling would do to her.

"Ok so scrub in and give us a heads up of anything you may know that could help," he said. I did scrubbing my hands and arms.

"So Addison slept with a woman?" Callie asked.

"Yeah," it was all I have if Addison wanted to say more she would


	4. Chapter 3

**A/n: **_This story is compete at 7 chapters not including prologue._

**Disclaimer:** _I am a broke college kid I own nothing_

Chapter 3

Amelia and Charlotte had flown with me down to Seattle spending most of the flight telling me it was going to be ok, but there were only three people in the world that I would panic over like this; Amelia, Alex and Charlotte. Charlotte had driven me to the hospital, it was the first time I saw it as Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. I walked up to the information desk.

"I need to talk to Derek Shepherd," I snapped.

"Who are you?" She asked calmly.

"I'm Addison, I'm here about a patient," I told her.

"Patients name," she said, I didn't know what to say to that. Did I say Alex Cabot? Derek handy said her name over the phone would he have put her name on the chart?

"Can you just get me Derek?" I asked starting to worry more, the nurse looked at me

"Look I can't get you a doctor till I know what patient you're here to see," she said

"I don't know the patents name ok! I took a bullet out of her eight years ago," I was practicality screaming I was so upset, "the US Marshals asked me to sign a death certificate for her, if she is supposed to be dead than I don't know what name she would go by now, so get me Derek! Now!" I turned ready storming part the desk, Charlotte grabbed my arm pulling me so she could wrap her arms around me and hold me. I felt the tears hot on my face, there were too many emotions coursing threw my body to focus on any one of them; I was so angry at the stupid nurse, and I was scared so scared that Alex was hurt.

"Dr. Shepard is in surgery," the nurse said and that was it, I knew where the ORs were, and that was where I was going. I walked down the hall I knew Char and Amelia were following me.

It wasn't till I was on the OR floor that someone tried to stop me.

"Mrs you can't be down here," she said. I could tell she was an intern by her scrubs and disheveled look.

"The hell I can't!" I snapped going to pass her.

"This is a stairal area," she tried.

"You don't think I know that?" I snarled forcing past her.

"I'm sorry," I heard Amelia say, I saw a door open, Derek came out blood all over his scrubs, Alex's blood,and I lost every bit of control I had I fell to my knees and cried. Alex my baby Alex was hurt. Derek was covered in her blood, so much blood. Was she even alive? What had happened to her?

"Murphy what the hell did you say to her?" Derek was yelling but I barely noticed. I felt Charlotte kneel beside me and start to rub circles on my back.

"Nothing! All I said was that patients families couldn't be down here," the intern yelled back.

"Take them up to the gallery the find something to do anywhere but here!" Derek snapped.

"I can find the gallery on my own," I hissed clinging to Charlotte and Amelia as I tried to stand. I forced myself to walk up the small staircase and down the hall to the observation room.

By the time I got there Derek had already scrubbed back in. I saw Alex on the table and almost had to leave but I managed to hold it together.

"We need any medical history you can give us, we've already put her under and put plates and pins in the arm, she's got three broken ribs along with many healing fractures. Her clavicles broke through the skin and I need to fix it but there's some long healed fractures there too," Callie's voice came through the intercom. I winced at the thought of Alex hurt let alone this badly.

"The fractures on the clavicle are from eight years ago, she was shot, it nicked the brachial artery she nearly bled out," I paused to think, "blood type is A positive," it was all I could think of while staring down at Alex's broken figure on the table below.

"Thanks, can we get a name to put on the chart finally?" A man asked.

"Um...," I begun, "how far does this go?" I asked.

"The people in this room, I'll leave the chart as Jane Doe but when she wakes up we need something to call her," he said.

"Alex," I made the decision, "Alexandra Renee Cabot," I told them.

"Ok now that that's cleared up, will someone tell me why it was so hard?" He said.

"Well, eight years ago she was the Assistant District Attorney to a sex crimes unit, they caught a case involving a Colombian drug cartel she made them angry so they put a hit out in her. She got shot, DEA pushed her into witsec to keep her alive," I said. I hadn't been able to talk about Alex in so long, not since Mark died. He had been the only person I could talk to about him since he knew, but he was dead.

"Dr. Hunt her husbands in the waiting room throwing a fit, what do I tell him," Miranda Bailey said walking into the OR.

"Tell him nothing, tell him to get the hell out," I said, she looked up at me.

"Addison? Why?" She asked.

"Because, she wouldn't have let a man touch her, willingly let alone marry her, she doesn't do men, never had never would. Men just freak her out ok if she married him she didn't have a choice," I explained, the idea that this husband might have done this to her crossed my mind then. Bailey nodded at me before leaving the OR.

I sat beside the hospital bed, Alex had made it through surgery, I was waiting for her to come out of anesthesia. Charlotte and Amelia had held me all the time we'd been in the observation room. Derek had lead me to the room, I'd waited there till they had brought her in. I saw her eyes fluttering.

"Alex," I said softly reaching out and stroking her hair, she made a soft pain sound.

"Addie," she whimpered.

"I'm right here, god Al, I'm right here, you're safe, I promise you're safe," I was stroking her hair, pressing kisses to her forehead. She reached up to hug me and clung to me, she wouldn't let go, she clung to me whimpering.

"Addie don't leave me, sing leave me to him, please Addie he'll kill me, he said no doctors," she was shaking in my arms, as she cried.

"I won't let him in here, you're safe, it's ok," I told her gently. I had already had security get the man, James, off the hospital property. I heard someone else walk into the room.

"Alex, you're awake," Derek said, hearing my brought me down to earth.

"Derek no name," She said.

"Al, calm down it's ok I called the Marshals they said the sent you a letter, they brought down the cartel last year, it's safe, they said you could go home," she said, I'd never gotten the letter, I assume James threw it out. Just like that Alex was back all of Alex. I knew I had to stand up for myself. This was my life and James didn't own me, not anymore.

"Really," She asked.

"Yes Alex," Derek said from the doorway. Alex sat up slowly. I wanted to tell her to lay back down but I knew she wouldn't listen.

"Addie will you call Liv?" She asked. I nodded still having the special victims unit number saved in my phone. It had been the last bit of Alex I could hang on to so I'd left it. I walked out of the room and dialed the number.

"Manhattan special victims unit, this is detective Rollins," someone I didn't know answered.

"Hi, can I speak with either detective Benson or Stabler," I asked.

"Stabler quit about a year ago, but I'll get benson for you," she said, then it turned to that awful music they play when your on hold. It took about a minuet for her to pick up.

"Benson," was all she said.

"Hi," I didn't know where to start. How do you tell someone that a person that they barried years ago is in fact alive.

"What can I help you with?" She asked curtly.

"Well, I was asked to call you on behalf of a mutual friend," I started.

"Miss can you cut to the chase," she wasn't happy with me I could tell.

"Can you come to Seattle?" I asked.

"I don't know who you are but you need to quit playing games with me," she was angry now.

"Alex Cabot is alive! She's in Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, in Seattle,and she asked for you so I'm calling, that wasn't as gentle as I had intended, now you must really think I'm some sort off nutcase I'm sorry..." I babbled.

"Alex is in Seattle? Alex asked you to call me?" She said so quietly I barely heard her.

"Wait you knew she was alive?" I asked.

After a long pause she said slowly, "yes, can I ask who I'm speaking to?" She asked.

"Addison," I said.

"Oh," she said, "I'll be out there in the next day or so," she said.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/n: **_here you go. I have nothing to say_

**Disclaimer:** if I owned these characters or shows I wouldn't be broke

"You left her?" I asked him.

"Yes," he said looking down and the ground, " I didn't know."

"Derek what happened?" I asked.

"You tell me what happens to you and I'll tell you what happened to our marriage," he countered.

"Alright, After I got shot I left New York, and entered witness protection the first place I ended up was in Wisconsin went by the name Emily. it was okay, i was okay being Emily but about two years in to being Emily I finally settled down and I got a call from Manhattan that they had found the guy who shot me. They were able to bring him up on charges for shooting me. But well they couldn't do that because I'm not dead so, they brought me out of protection and back to Manhattan so that I could testify to being alive but also being shot. But that wasn't the end because the cartel was still up and running. So it was back in the witness protection only this time I became Julie and I ended up here In Seattle. I got a job here working as a tour guide with the space needle and that's how I met James, I was new in town, no family no friends no anyone. I was perfect victim I barely had enough money to scrape by and I had no social ties. I was so lost in trying to keep up the charade that I was Julie that I lost Alex, and Julie was weak, she fell for his apologies even though it had only been a week," I was detaching myself from Julie and I knew it, "She didn't know who to go to for help and it only got worse from there. When he realized that she would reach out for help, he had her quit her job, she became completely reliant on him. After that it just went downhill, he wouldn't let me leave the house, if one little thing was out of place, I paid for it," I forced myself to be detached when I said the last, " It got the the point that every night when he came home I hoped he would rape me because it meant I'd live another day."

"Alex, I'm sorry," was all he said, and I was grateful for that because i knew that if I had seen pity or sympathy on his face or in his words I would have broken. I was strong, I was a rockstar in court, I couldn't stay in Alex's head if people looked at me as anything other than the way they looked at Alex.

"Your turn to tell painful stories," I said, he looked at me then for a long moment, I didn't flinch under his gaze, i didn't look away, and for that alone I was proud of myself.

"Short version is I didn't know, I came home and found Addison, my wife, naked in bed with Mark, who was supposed to be my best friend, I tried to throw her out and when she wouldn't leave, I did. I got in my car and drove from New York to Seattle, I didn't even give notice I just left. I knew the chief of surgery out here and I called in a debt. He hired me on the spot, I bought a trailer out in the wilderness, I met a girl," I scowled at him for that, "I didn't mean to," He held his hands up in the I surrender pose, "About six months after I left she came out for a surgery and found me. She didn't tell me about what had happened to you, hell she kept up the charade that she had slept with Mark, she asked me to take her back, Mark followed her out here, I thought they were still sleeping together, I told her to get out of my life. She moved to LA, we see each other every once and a while but not often, Mark died last year in a plane crash, he died and I realized that I hadn't truly forgiven him for sleeping with her, not until less than a day before he died, when we were out in the wilderness and had no idea what to do. We were waiting for a rescue that came too late," I could see that he was telling me more than he'd told anyone to I just listened. Truth be told I'd seen the reports on the news of a plane crash involving a hospital, but I'd been so isolated that I hadn't really cared about other people's problems, but now, now I cared because the people that had been hurt were people that I cared about. I hadn't known Mark well, not as well as I'd know Derek and Addison, but I had know him and finding out he was dead still affected me.

"I'm sorry too," It was all I could say to him, in a matter of just a few minutes our roles were reversed and i had no idea what to say. I was saved by a woman with blond hair standing in the doorway.

"Where did Addie go?" she asked.

"To make a phone call," I said, she nodded her thanks and left, but that tiny interruption was enough for the mood to have lightened.

"Who was that?" I asked, I was kind of jealous of her but I didn't know why, maybe because she was in Addison's life now and she was whole and undamaged, and right now I was a worthless emotional wreck.

"Charlotte, she came up from LA her and my sister Amelia the one that got all crazy, she's straightened out though, she's clean. They came up with Addison, I assume she asked them to but I am not sure, it's been a long time since I knew what was going on in her life," he said, regret laced his voice.

"Let's talk about some happier things, like the fact that I thought I heard someone say you had a wife, if it isn't Addie than who is she?" I asked, i knew i was intruding on his life but, I wanted to know and he was Derek.

"Her name is Meredith Grey, she's amazing she's also a doctor here so you may just get to meet her if your nice," he begun, I was happy that we could have the friendly banter that we'd always had even if he and Addison had not worked out, he had helped me threw so many college problems, he'd even let me crash in his couch my senior year when my roommate threatened to kill me for being a lesbian. He was Derek, not my Derek but, Addison's Derek, he hasn't hated me like everyone else Addie had dated. Hell we'd even had some threesomes, we weren't a manage troi, but we were close.

"So you're happy with her?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Derek, can you get the kids tonight? I'm headed into sugery and won't be out for at least eight hours, Callie got called in on some major trauma and she won't let me ask Arizona cause they are still not talking," a woman with sandy blonde hair said in the doorway.

"Tell Callie that one of us is going to have to talk to Arizona because I have a patient I need to keep an eye on overnight," Derek said.

"If I'm that patient so help me god Derek go home to your family," I said, the woman in the doorway looked at me with confused eyes.

"Alex you need to be monitored Addie would kill me if I left you in the hands of interns," he said.

"Well I'm saying go home I'll be ok, I'm sure I can live go another night, Derek go home your family needs your more than I do" I said.

"Alex, I decide weather you need to be monitored overnight, by a professional not you," he begun.

"And I can draft an AMA in my sleep Derek go home, if you don't I will leave this hospital and then you won't have a patient to watch so you'll go home," I told him.

"What if Derek watches over you and I can get these kids you speak of, Meredith, as soon as you or Callie get out of surgery they'll be at home and put to bed. When someone gets home I'll come back here," Addison said from the doorway.

"Addie, you don't have to do that," Derek said.

"Derek you take care of Alex I'll take care of your kids," Addison said.

"Or you could stay here with me, and he could go home, Addie, you can take care of me I know you are just as good of a doctor as he is," I said.

"Fine but I'm bringing Amelia in to check on you every hour," she informed me.

"Ok see problem solved derek go spend time with your kids," I said, he stood up and walked out the door.

"Thanks Derek," the blonde said before running off.

"Really?" I asked him.

"She's not that bad," he started.

"I did say she was, but I never thought I'd see the day that you had kids Derek, I mean I knew you liked them but I never thought I'd see the day that youd havr time between patients and she doesn't look like she has any more time than you do," I justified.

"Hi, my name's Callie I'm here to check on the bones I fixed last night," a woman said walking into my room, she was pretty Latina with long black hair.

"I'm Alex," I told her wincing as I tried to sit up, she scowled at me.

"You really should quit trying to sit up, at least for the next few days," she told me, Derek laughed beside me, he'd prided me he go pick up his kids as soon as Callie and Owen had done one last check on me, so here they were checking me over as though their lives depended on it.

"I'll stop sitting up when Derek goes and gets his kids," I sniped shooting a look at Derek.

"I thought Mer was getting them," Callie said, I realized that this was the Callie, Meredith had mentioned and that I was probably her emergency as well.

"She's on her way into surgery, so tonight it'll me me," Derek said.

"Can you get Sofia while you're at it?" Callie asked.

"Yeah but you need to talk to Arizona about Sofia since she is legally just as much of a parent as you are, and Callie, she is a good mother," he said, I perked up at the word legally because if there was one thing I understood it was the law.

"No, Derek I don't want to have to see her let alone talk to her," Callie whined.

"Callie what are you going to do if she divides she wants to go to court over it?" Derek asked, I was liking this conversation more and more, and definitely more than talking about my injuries.

"I'm the biological mother I'll win," Callie begun.

"I wouldn't count on that," I said.

"Why not," she asked tuning in me in frustration.

"We'll ever since the Grayson case in California, family court is trying to era on the side of the parent that will spend more time with the kid," I explained. Grayson had been an awful case, after a messy two year divorce a mother was awarded full custody of the six year old. Since she was never home she left the girl in the care of her new husbands fifteen year old son, most of the time. The stepbrother and his friends had gang raped and murdered the girl. Her father had sued family court saying that if he had gotten custody she would still be alive.

"She's not home anymore than I am," Callie quipped.

"why don't you bring her down here and I will mediate the discussion of custody," I offered.

"You're a lawyer?" She asked.

"Yeah," I told her.

"She's the best prosecutor New York has seen in years," Derek said.

"Derek stop I wasn't that good," I blushed.

"Yeah you were Alex, I heard the cases you tried, you were amazing," he said.

"Can we focus on the custody arraignment and quit with the compliments?" I asked.

"Yeah," Derek said, "I'll page Arizona."

"Hi, I'm doctor Robbins, what can I do for..." The woman that walked in looked at me in confusion.

"Why don't you sit down," I begun the. Turned to the other man, doctor Hunt, "are you part of this whole kids custody thing?" I asked him.

"No, but I'm you doctor," he begun.

"Then get out, and close the door," I said leaving no room for him to argue. He left.

"Everyone sit down, if I have to stay in this forsaken bed the least you all can do is sit down," I said in the most authoritative voice I could muster. Everyone sat dr. Robbins took longer to sit than Derek and Callie but, she sat.

"Ok, first someone please explain what kids belong to who, how they are related, and what happened," I begun.

"Callie how dare you, this is none of her business!" The blonde snapped.

"Hey, I'm choosing to mediate this as a favor to Derek so you are both going to sit down and we are going to talk about this so start talking," I informed them both.

"We'll what do you want to know?" Callie asked.

"We'll let's start with the kid or kids what are their names, how old are they? Who are the fathers?" I begun.

"One kid her name is Sofia, she's two years old," Callie begun, "Her father is a man that I slept with while Arizona and I were broken up."

"See you had an affair, so why is mine so different, we've both screwed up but Callie, I want to fix this," The blonde cut in.

"What's different? I slept with Mark after you left me, you cheated while we were still together, when I was doing everything I could to take care of you! You have no idea how guilty I've felt for what I did but Arizona if I hadn't you could have died. I stood my the medicine as much as I didn't want to, I did everything I could to save your leg, but you would have died," Callie started to yell.

"Stop!" I cut in, "There will be no yelling in here, also I did not agree to mediate you two's breakup only the custody of the child," I said, "so let's focus on Sofia, she needs something stable, so lets start with what both of your schedule look like? also what are your living arrangements like?" It was all i could think of at the time.

"Well We both have pretty busy schedules but, I have Meredith and Derek to get Sofia she has no one," Callie said.

"Hey leave me out of this, I'm only here to make sure that Alex has all the necessary information and that nothing is left out," Derek said.

"That's not fair Callie you can't use this hospital as your support system if I can't and that puts us back on even ground," Arizona snapped.

"I'm not using the hospital I'm using my roommates," Callie quipped.

"Stop talking to each other," I cut in, "talk to me I'm the mediator and I get the feeling that if you keep talking to each other nothing will get done, so tell me if I'm wrong but you both work here at the hospital, Callie lives with Derek and his wife Meredith and their kids, Arizona you live alone," I summed up.

"Yes," They both said.

"Callie is the biological parent," I asked.

"Yes" They both said.

"OK and you two have split up and are currently fighting over Sofia," I added.

"Yes" The both said.

" What about other possessions?" I asked.

"Well right now I live in our old apartment but it's in Callie's name so I may be leaving soon so she can move back. As for everything else we didn't have many mutual possessions acquired after we got together so they went back to their original owners," Arizona said looking down. I thought she might cry but she held it together.

"Arizona stay in the apartment it's already fitted for your leg you should just stay there," Callie said.

"OK so the main point of content is Sofia, you are going to end up in some sort of split custody no matter what but why don't for now we get both of you work schedules for the next few weeks and we'll go from there," I begun.

"Well I work today I came in at six am I get off at at six pm tomorrow, and then I come back to at six am…" Arizona started. I held up a hand.

"How about I pull up a calendar and each of you fill it out in a different color than what i'm going to do is I'm going to devise a schedule that you both can agree on," I said.

"I grabbed the Ipad that had my chart on it and exited the app. I then pulled up the calendar app and handed it to Arizona.

"How are we going to find a schedule that everyone likes?" Derek spoke up from the corner of the room.

"Well first of all, any time that one of them is off work and the other is not the person off work has Sofia, next I'm going to take any time that they are both off, which I get the feeling won't be much, and we're going to divide that time equally," I said.

"But.." Callie begun.

"No that's final, you are both amazing women to be both loving parents and doctors but if you two won't talk to each other someone needs to make sure that Sofia is getting the maximum time with both of you. I assume that since the father isn't here he doesn't want any part of this."

"Mark is dead," Callie said, it was only at the look that passed between the three of them that I realized that Sofia's father wasn't just a guy named Mark it was Derek and Addie's Mark.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything," I said.

"Alex, it's ok you didn't know and you didn't bring down that plane," Derek said.

"I'm still sorry, that has nothing to do with the matter at hand," I explained.

"Actually it does it has everything to do with it, if that plane hadn't gone down we'd still be in our happily ever after," Arizona said.

"The hell we would, Arizona you cheated on me, that's not the fault of a god damn plane that's your fault, you made that choice," Callie snapped.

"Really Callie, really you cut off my leg, and I know you were trying to save me but you made that cut and then you spent so long trying to make up for it that you have to have questioned your judgement. Callie I didn't want to be cared for like some kid, I wanted you to look at me like I was whole again, you haven't looked at me like I was a human being since the crash and so yeah, I went out because I wanted to know if it was just you or if everyone would always look at me like I am somehow less of a person because my wife cut my leg off," Arizona snapped.

"So what you went off and slept with another woman? Is that what your saying?" Callie hissed.

"Yeah Callie I fucked up, I made a mistake, im sorry Callie, I don't know how else to say it, would it make a difference if I got down on my knee and begged!" Arizona yelled back. I would have intervened but the last part shocked me into scilence. There was more to this than it had first appeared. I was beginning to regret getting I tkt his without all the necessary information. Callie moved across the room, grabbing Arizona's hair and pulling her hear back.

"Stop!" I screamed, I didn't know if I was in Alex's head or if I was back in Julie's. everything was happening too fast. Callie froze she was standing behind Arizona, Arizona's head was pulled back, she was looking up at Callie with a look that said she didn't care what Callie did to her.

"Alex it's ok," Derek said calmly, I saw the moment when Callie realized what was wrong, se let go so fast you would have thought Arizona's hair was on fire.

"I'm sorry," Callie said, "I wasn't thinking."

"It's ok, i overreacted, she trusts you not to hurt her," I replied.


	6. Chapter 5

I opened the door to find Callie on my doorstep, I knew what she wanted and I was willing to give it to her, she wanted to punish me for the affair I'd had, I was willing to take whatever she threw at me.

"Arizona," she growled, I let my gaze fall to the carpet but I let her in. I heard the door click shut,but I didn't look up. I felt her ball in my hair in her hand and force my head back, I tried to look down, but ended up looking in her eyes. Her eyes told me everything, she was angry but, under that was pain. I knew I had been the one to put that hurt in her eyes. I felt awful for it, I wanted her to hurt me, to make it even.

"Arizona," she said again, " this is your last chance to back out." I was glad for the chance but I wouldn't take it.

"I meant what I said I'll do anything you want to fix this, I'll get down in my knee and beg," I told her.

"Than give me a safe word," she said.

""New York," I said.

"Alright, Arizona I have rules, and I don't know if ill be able to forgive you but I'm going to try," she said in my ear. All wanted was for her forgiveness I was willing to do whatever it took.

"I understand," I said.

"Arizona for tonight, you have to promise to use your space word if you feel at all afraid or if I cross a line," she begun.

" I know the rules mistress," I said softly.

"Good girl, now strip," she commanded, and I obeyed. I was a little shy about my leg but I still did it.

I knew where this was going, I'd played this game before, never with Callie, but I'd played the game.

"Have you eaten yet?" Her question was gentle and caught me off guard. I almost looked up but knew not to.

"No miss," I replied.

"Good lets order in," she said pulling one if the menus off the fridge and making the call. I was glad that she had thought about ordering food because I hadn't eaten since yesterday. She knew me well enough to know what to order for me, she even ordered enough for me to have for lunch tomorrow.

It was barely taken fifteen minuets to have the food to be delivered, we'd eaten in silence. I wasn't truest afraid of Callie but I was nervous about what was going to happen, and I could tell that she was also nervous. She looked up at me then.

"Arizona, you know know to play this game better than I do, what do I do? how do I do this?" She asked.

"Callie this is your show you do what you want, i can stop you if I have to but I trust you, Callie do what you want with me, I'll do whatever you want me to just say the words," It was the best I could do, I didn't know what she wanted.

"I don't know what I want though, Arizona that's the problem, part of me wants to hurt you, part of me can't stand the idea of hurting you. Another part of me just wants to leave you and never look back but, then I can't stand the idea of living life without you," she said.

"So how about we start with this," I waved around the room, "and when you decide what you want you can do it until then, we just try to focus on being us again, Callie I don't want to lose you and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix us, just when you come up with a way for me to make it up to you, tell me,"

"I can do that," she agreed.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**A/N:** _Sorry this is so short but I am also posting the end today _

**Disclaimer:** _I own nothing_

To say that the cab ride to Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital was nerve racking was an understatement. Alex was hurt, that's what Addison had told me. Not how hurt or even how she got hurt, just that Alex wa hurt and that she wanted me. So here I was on the other side of the country I hadn't even packed I'd just gone to the airport. Alex was in trouble and that was all I cared about. Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital was just like any other hospital there were people running in every direction and none of them seemed to have the time to help me. The waiting room was filled with panicked looking people that all seemed to look up ever time a doctor walks in to call for a patient's family. The doctors ran in and out giving brief updates to the families. The problem for me was that I hadn't know what name to give the woman behind the desk. I hadn't wanted to give Alex's real name, even thought Addison had said it I wasn't sure if that was the name on her chart or if it was only Addison and I that knew. I'd settled for asking for doctor Addison Shepherd and they'd told me they had no one by that name here but that they did have one doctor Shepard and they would pay him for me. So here stood in the hospital waiting room, hoping that dr. Shepard would be able to help me.i barely remembered Addison but I was hoping that whoever they had paged was either a husband or a brother.

"Olivia?" A man said, he was very handsome in navy blue scrubs, his hair was frosted and he looked like the kind of doctor that most women would fall all over. I stood and waved him over, he looked sort of familiar but, I couldn't place him.

"Yeah, I'm Olivia," I said, "Look I don't know if you can help me, I'm kind of in in weird predicament, see I'm a detective in Manhattan, and I'm looking for someone that had me called from this hospital. The problem is I don't know what name she's under in your records because she was put in witness protection and her name was changed, I'm not some crazy person I promise, the person that called me was a Doctor Addison Shepherd, but the girl at the desk said you were the only Doctor Shepard here," I said.

"That's because after our divorce Addison went back to being Addison Montgomery, also she doesn't work in this hospital so only the staff that were here years ago would know who you were looking for, but just so you know she's under the name Alex Cabot, Addison called the Marshal's as soon as I called her, they said that as of a a few months ago she is free and clear. They just hadn't gotten around to notifying her that the cartel has been brought down," he told me. I nearly hugged him I was so glad to hear that she was safe again, and that he didn't think that I was some kind of crazy.

"So what happened to land her in the hospital and how did you find out who she was?" I asked.

"I can't release her medical information to you but, I can tell you that I was married to Addison for eleven years that's how I knew who she was, now come on let me take you to her," he said. I followed him down some halls and to an elevator, and then we went up to the third floor.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** _I'm too broke to own anything_

I was still stuck in the hospital bed, they'd woken me up every hour last night , but since I was still waking up and coherent, Amelia had said I was out of the woods. Amelia was Derek's little sister, I'd met her once before when she was a teenage and was spiraling out of control, but now she had grown up to be an amazing adult. I'd gotten to meet Derek's new wife, I liked her, not nearly as much as I liked Addison, but she'd come in to tell me that i was some kind of miracle worker because Callie and Arizona were back together, personally i don't believe that was my doing. Addison hadn't left the room, I'd told her about James, about my life in Wisconsin and here, we'd fallen so easily back into the friendly banter we'd always had. She's told me about her life in LA and the brief year she's spent here in Seattle. She'd agreed to take me back to LA for a few weeks while I finished healing then, I would move back no New York. There was a tap on the door.

"Come in," Addison yelled. The door slid open to reveal Derek.

"I brought you a guest," he said, stepping aside to reveal Olivia. I wanted to jump up and hug her but leaving the hospital bed wasn't going to happen for at least two more days, so I settled for smiling up at her and opening my arms in a come here gesture. She came to the side of the bed an bent down pulling me up into her arms. It hurt but, I wouldn't have traded that hug for anything.

"Liv, you came," was all I could think to say to her.

"Of course I came," she said, "now are you going to tell me how you landed in the hospital?" I looked down at the question. Back I. Alex's head I knew how stupid I had been with James, they say hindsight is twenty twenty well looking back I cans see all the warnig signs, every bit of controlling behavior everything that should have made me run in the other direction the day I met him. That made me think of something.

"Addison did he try to come back?" I asked.

"Not yet," she answered.

Telling Liv had been the hardest of all the people I'd had to tell, she was so understanding but, no matter how gentle her words I felt like i was just another victim now. I'd gone to LA for three months, Liv had taken some long earned time off and come with us to LA. We'd stayed with Addison all the way threw the trial, and my recovery. The trial for James had been quick their ADA was good and we got a conviction. I'd left for New York the next day. Apparently Olive had saved all my things including paying rent on the outrageously expensive apartment I lived in. I was back to being the ice queen of the courtroom. Branch had given me back my job with SVU, Addison comes up twice a year to visit, and I go to LA when I could, we live our separate lives, but everything is back where it should be.

**A/N:** _Done!_


End file.
